Moon of the Wolf (1972)

 What we have on our hands, dear friends, is a secular horror story. It approaches the theme of lycanthropy from a non horror point of view. It’s a murder mystery with a pinch of horror. The werewolf is not the key ingredient; the murder mystery is. Although simple, the plot is entertaining and the pieces of the puzzle fall into place quite naturally. With good acting and a smart script this made for TV movie would have gotten 3 stars, if it wouldn’t have been for the god-awful ending.

 The Louisiana folks of Marsh Island are struck dumb when a brutal murder surfaces in the swamp. The slightly ravaged corpse of a young woman is found in the predawn hours by two local hicks, who might have been missing some chompers, because I couldn’t understand most of what they were saying with that thick southern accent spewing from their toothless, chewing-tobacco mouths. It’s also pretty fucking dark (the poor film strip doesn’t help)  and these two guys scramble about when their dogs start barking. Tom and his son Tom junior follow the excited hounds to the unfortunate young lady’s body. In a couple of hours the arrogant sheriff Aaron Whitaker (David Janssen) shows up. It quickly hit me that this guy is not so much arrogant, but determined and commanding with a hint of that Captain Kirk swagger Shatner made famous. The top four buttons on his shirt are unbuttoned and it’s time to start sleuthing! 

The victim’s brother is Lawrence - and the news couldn’t have come at a worse time; he’s taking care of his sick father Hugh, who lays in bed talking nonsense in French. But it’s not nonsense to us, horror fans. The old man knows about lycanthropy lore and figures out exactly what has happened. It’s too bad he’s speaking in French, but even if we could have understood it, the people in this film know not and believe not, horror protocol. One review of the film mentioned it being IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT meets THE X-FILES. Can you imagine Sidney Poitier tracking down a werewolf? Anyway… Whitaker wastes no time and canvases the small town. But before that he gets the autopsy results from doctor Druten. Druten explains that wild dogs hadn’t killed her, which is what most of the town believed. The victim was dealt a blow to the head, if feral dogs chewed her up, that came later. Druten had been in a relationship with the young woman and had gotten her pregnant. That casts suspicion on the doctor and when Lawrence finds out he attacks him. Lawrence is put in jail and Whitaker continues his detective work.

Andrew Rodanthe and his sister Louise are high society. The Rodanthe family founded Marsh Island long ago. The siblings are cooperative when questioned. Whitaker presents a new clue, an expensive necklace found at the crime scene. Andrew confesses that he gave the victim the gift as a token of appreciation for bringing him medicine. He suffers from a mysterious malady which causes him to black out and turn into a werewolf when the moon is full. Well, he doesn’t put it that way, because frankly, he may or may not be fully aware of Mr. Hyde. The end of the film suggests he knew all along he was a demonic beast but that is never really explained to my satisfaction. In fact we know close to nothing regarding this guy’s lycanthropy because the film does not address it. Instead it throws you a fucking curve ball to the nuts.

In the last half hour we start to see werewolf action. Well, as much action as a 70s made for television mystery film can provide. The werewolf goes after Lawrence, who’s in prison, and violently (I think) kills him off-camera. The deputy, knowing nothing of silver bullets, empties his gun on the monster and gets himself killed, also off-camera. Now that I think about it, I don’t think there were any on-camera killings. The building tension of a mystery film is nice but when you put a werewolf in your movie I want to see limbs being torn, bloody wolf muzzles, and a cool transformation scene. Here we don’t even get a transformation scene, which is a must in a werewolf movie! Allow me to skip towards the disappointing last act of the film because I want to get this movie out of my mind as soon as I can. I’m pissed off because what could have been a good murder mystery, decided to be a weak horror film.

Louise knows that she is going to be the next victim because Hugh, Lawrence’s dying father, saw a pentagram on her palm. Funny enough we don’t get to see squat. I should have expected as much from this film. You can’t tell me the budget wouldn’t allow for a red sharpie drawing on the palm. Hugh is the only horror-aware character in this film and because of him the movie does not get one star. Louise speaks French and can therefore understand the old man. She runs home and opens up her black magic, witchcraft, supernatural necronomicon encyclopedia and learns everything about lycanthropy. What type of high class aristocrat  has such book, in a secular horror film? The filmmakers thought: Quick, we have to explain all this shit to our audience. In the last ten minutes Louise has to be well informed on how lycanthropy works and how to kill her brother. 

Louise learns that werewolves can only be killed by fire or with bullets that have been blessed. Her brother stalks her in the barn and she chucks a gas lamp in his direction. The whole barn goes up in flames and we think the monster is killed. But he is not killed! He breaks into the house and Louise shoots him down with a gun she conveniently finds somewhere. And you know what made me loathe the ending? The gun she used was conveniently loaded with blessed bullets??? Here is her explanation word for word. “He knew, He made me fire at him. He knew, the bullet, he must have had them blessed. He must have done that…He knew.”

As I reflect and gather my final thoughts on the movie I question whether I should have given it one star. I have to be unbiased and recognize the fine acting and development of the mystery story, which was engaging none the less. Then there’s Hugh, good ol’ Hugh! He, with his werewolf knowledge, also helped save the film from getting only one star. He knew of werewolves, he could see pentagrams in the palms of victims and he even had his sick nurse pimp-out his home with wolves bane. The truth of the matter is that the only thing that will probably linger in my mind when I think back about this movie will be Louise’s last words: “He knew” - now so do you! 

2 / 5 STARS

Fantom Kiler (1998)

 

It was simply chance that led me to the Polish film FANTOM KILER and it’s unique director, Roman Nowicki. Before I get into the film I want to let you know that there are four films in the series (titled FANTOM KILER 2,3,4) and two more in what appears to be a spin-off called FANTOM SEDUCER. These are, simply put, X rated shot on video sleaze-fests. Anyone that has read a review for FANTOM will notice that it has been called (and rightly so) a misogynist’s fantasy. Now, should that make us feel guilty, indulging in the graphic portrayals of sex and violence on the screen? Fuck No! I love and respect women. Nowicki portrays them being brutally taunted, debased and slaughtered in what he calls “a schizophrenic comedy and erotic horror fantasy” and when asked if he is a misogynist, adds “Of course not and I resent that question”, explaining how he is a huge fan of women. Bottom line: An artist should not need to apologize for his work!

FANTOM KILER sparks the controversy that it does because it is raw and honest in it’s depiction of a deranged man with a deadly grudge towards women. Nothing is left to the imagination and the death scenes are exploitative. On the other hand, it would be a shame to discredit the ridiculous comedy that douses the picture with an awkward charm. This is no grand picture with deep themes. The sets are sparsely decorated and the acting is  porn film quality. There is no beautiful cinematography as in early European sexploitation pictures. There were probably only two main sets used but the lighting was good. It showcased the beautiful women and their luscious breasts. There are enough plump  boobs to keep even the most jaded breast man happy.

The story deals with two mean-spirited middle-aged men that work at a railway station as janitors. Instead of working, they spend their time leering at the lovely women that pass by and imagining them naked. These loathsome characters categorize the girls into either bitches, tarts or whores. Their brains have probably rotted with decades of pornography (the fucked up kind) because all their sexual thoughts are extremely sadomasochistic. The funny thing is that ALL the women are drop dead gorgeous with knockout bodies, and they’re klutzy when it comes to keeping their clothes on. Another thing is that none of them wear bras or underwear of any kind. Our killer will not tolerate such promiscuity and must teach these women a lesson. Each murder has a simple setup, cat and mouse foreplay, and a grisly climax.

The first woman to be killed realizes she has lost her keys when she reaches her car. She decides to cross through the woods in the middle of the night. Her blouse gets caught in some troublesome branches so she just takes it off. Later she must cross a barbwire fence and her skirt could rip so she takes that off as well. When the killer surprises her from behind she is fully naked under the moonlight. He caresses her body and talks dirty to her before slashing her body up with a blade. He finishes things up by stabbing her vagina 38 times (I counted) in a frenzy and leaving her to bleed out.

Marek, one of the station cleaners with a moustache, learns that his lazy partner is being replaced with a hot young blonde named Carla. Carla is a  special slut. She is the reigning Butt Queen or something. What does that mean? That means she has the hottest ass in town. She decides to teach Marek with some exercise moves to tone up the buttocks. Her clothes are too tight so she strips fully naked! After some routine workouts she asks her eager new pupil if he’s ever heard of the King Arthur legend, you know, the one where whomever pulls out the sword from the stone becomes king. She’s developed a special King Arthur workout. She lubes-up the end of a wooden spoon and asks Marek to stick it in her asshole. She wants to demonstrate her anus strength and makes a bet that if he pulls it out in one minute’s time she will do the chores for a week. I’m not kidding you, this really happens!

As amazing as this movie sounds, it’s not that fun watching it by yourself. I encourage you to watch this with a group of your friends if you get a chance. I guarantee you, they will never forget the experience. The film could have used more quality gore effects and a more developed plot. But plot is not the point of this movie in the first place. It’s a collection of violent sex fantasies. If you really want a Junkyard Fuck-Out (a hardcore horror film party), go get the rest of the films in the series and a few bottles of  Zubrowka vodka, which is what the characters drank during the film and  Nowicki himself drank during the production and go crazy.

2 / 5 STARS

Feeders (1996)

Two friends on a road trip stumble upon the dawn of an alien invasion. Jon McBride (CANNIBAL CAMPOUT) teams up with the Polonia brothers (SPLATTER FARM) to bring us an instant cult classic. Sit back and prepare yourself for an alien frenzy unleashed upon the unsuspecting citizens of a small Pennsylvania town.

 Derek (Jon McBride) and Bennett (John Polonia) cruise along the open road in their red convertible headed towards the beach where they plan on getting some action with the babes in the skimpy swim suits. But, in the nearby woods, Ranger Gordon spots a UFO, but before he can alert the police, one of the skinny gray aliens prods him with a metal rod and feeds on his throat. Now, this is a low-budget picture, so don’t expect too much from our gray little men. The feeders are small puppets with wobbly heads that make strange gurgling growls and move low to the ground. I personally think their fantastic! After taking pictures of the area the boys stop at a gas station to fill up the car and buy some more film. Bennett has nothing but women on his mind so he tries to pick up a cute girl, and he does so with one word: "Hello!". The nice girl, Michelle, says "Hey, what are you doing?", and slam bam he’s got himself a babe; and a friend of Michelle’s, Donna, for Derek. Meanwhile, a local fisherman is attacked by a feeder and walks out of the woods, dazed where he gets clipped by Derek’s car. The two friends take the poor man to a doctor where he is pronounced dead. In his demented ramblings the fishermen kept repeating "little men". The doctor phones the police and the two friends leave.

Donna is getting herself ready for the "party" in the park with her friend and the two young men Michelle met when she hears strange noises in the garage. She goes to investigate, when a feeder lunges at her throat and eats her stomach out, leaving a bloody gaping cavity. These little guys may look funny but they are vicious creatures! They like to feed on victims’ throats especially, going for the sweet spot, for the instant kill! That is exactly what happens to the aforementioned doctor. Now Derek and Bennett are in the woods when they hear strange sounds and feel as if they are being watched. They also spot a low flying UFO. Meanwhile Michelle shows up at her friend’s house and finds her dead, there are two feeders ready to pounce and attack. She thinks fast and stomps on one of their heads. Then she lights a match and combines it with a spray can to shoot flames at another feeder. But is this enough? Are more feeders going to join in on the attack? We get back to the boys as they dash frantically out of the woods but they have become lost and there is no way out for them. They run into an alien but before Bennett can smash a rock on it the feeder sprays Derek in the hand with acid. Night is approaching, but they find a house to hold up in.

I believe the house they found was Donna’s?! There is also a skeleton with hair in a car that could be Michelle?! I hadn’t picked this up before but it seems to make sense. They do some exploring inside the home but the electricity is out and they can’t call for help because the phone is dead too. One of our little gray men jumps out at Bennett and he swiftly hacks it to pieces with a scythe he found lying around. Outside the house, what appears to be an alien leader, growls some commands at the other feeders. A spacecraft abducts Bennett where he undergoes some strange torture which we don’t see clearly. The house then begins to shake and Derek is knocked out. He wakes to find Bennett coming in through the door. But then something really strange happens. Another identical Bennett appears and Derek can’t figure out which one is his friend and which one is evil. Both Bennetts start fighting it out outside. Without giving it much thought Derek grabs the scythe and kills one of them. The dying Bennett sprays blood from his neck wound as he dies. Then, but not before he decided to kill a Bennett, Derek asks the surviving Bennett how can he tell he’s the right one. Derek, dude, you have two identical guys, one is your friend and the other is evil. Why wouldn’t you first try to figure out which was your friend before going and killing one of them?? It turns out Derek killed his friend Bennett! The fake Bennett twitches and disappears; presumably back up to the ship. The feeders are here to stay, here to slay, and here to destroy earth! We get stock footage of buildings being demolished and then we see, from outer space, the feeders’ ship nuking earth.

The Polonia brothers have made another b-movie blast, and this time, with Jon McBride!! The story goes that Blockbuster Video was looking for alien films because INDEPENDENCE DAY (the movie) was out, so they picked up FEEDERS and had it available for rent at their stores. That is how I first saw the film! Jose and I had an awesome time watching this near-masterpiece b-movie. The Polonia’s and McBride put in their best efforts to make a fun, campy, alien movie. I really did fucking love the aliens themselves, wobbling around and eating people. Watching John Polonia and McBride together onscreen was magic. My two heroes from SPLATTER FARM, and McBride from CANNIBAL CAMPOUT, directing and acting in this new film collaboration was simply beautiful!

 There are many b-movies out there; many good ones, and many awful ones. FEEDERS rises to the top being funny, exciting and easy to watch. FEEDERS is b-movie comfort food and you’d be doing yourself a disfavor if you passed on this cult classic.

4 / 5 STARS