Jungle Virgin Force (1988)

Combining the worst in cannibalism, black magic, and Indonesian jungle theatrics, JUNGLE VIRGIN FORCE seems to want to wow us but instead is as appealing as a bowl of warm chicken soup. Now what exactly does that mean? It means this movie is decent but could have been a lot better. I was expecting a wild exotic Indonesian exploitation flick but had to settle for a mild romp without nudity.

Who is this mysterious jungle woman that swings from vines like Tarzan and helps the natives avoid crocodile attacks? Her name is Jelita the protector, played by the beautiful Lydia Kandou. Actually lost in the jungle as a child after a plane crash, she now wanders about doing good deeds. There is a scene of native women bathing under a waterfall but the nudity is blurred out for some god-awful reason. Jelita meets the tribal women and is invited back to their cave to be the new leader. “She wears a symbol of holy powers!” exclaims one woman. It’s really just a shiny necklace her mother had given her when young. The high priest of the community disagrees and then everyone starts fighting for quite a long time. You can’t really tell who’s fighting for what side but it doesn’t really matter.

Back in the city a group of university students are planning an expedition to this secret island to look for lost treasure. The professor gives them a map and provides them with a guide, Bunion. Another group of treasure hunters want the map and another long stupid battle occurs with car chase and explosion. This should be interesting but is really just meh. The explorers consist of  John, Mya, Laura, and a guy whose name sounds like Hardon.  IMDb was missing some character names so I apoligize for the Hardon (pun intended). The guide’s name is Bunion. When we first meet him he’s wearing a yellow hardhat. Does he think he’s a construction worker or something? Anyway, he warns John not to fire the guns so as not to alert the cannibals but he just wouldn’t listen. Laura is captured and beheaded for John’s mistake of firing what the cannibals called the “thunder weapon”.  Another boring fight breaks out and Bunion is killed, but not before realizing Jelita was his long lost daughter. The cannibals capture our explorers. One victim is consumed by magic fire (this is actually pretty cool). I’m not sure who this person even was. It was probably a member of the second group of treasure hunters who managed to appear on the island and blend into the scene during the battle without me noticing. Lots of these people look the same and the fighting scenes are long and confusing. Anyway, the original group escapes at night while the cannibals are sleeping. I can’t figure this out! They must be very heavy sleepers, all of them!

So we have established that the second group of explorers is on the island. There’s also conflict within the local tribe. People have aligned themselves either with or against the high priest. His warriors have long black horns on their head. He bestows this magical blessing when they perform a brave act. So instead of a medal of bravery these dudes sprout horns. The heat and humidity of the jungle is getting to the original explorers and they start fighting among themselves. John tries to make a move on Mya (Hardon’s girl) while she’s bathing so Hardon starts a fight. Jelita fights Doris (from the second group of treasure hunters) just because girls fighting is entertaining I suppose. To add to the drama there are some steamy sex scenes without nudity and the characters behaviors continue to make little sense.

 There is an ultimate final showdown between the split tribe and all the explorers. White and Black magic is used along with energy blasts and not-so-special effects. John finally finds the treasure cave filled with gold but the fighting outside causes the cave to collapse and some explosions thrown in kill the high priest. Lots of folks end up toast but Hardon and Jelita find true love. The end?!

 A crappy movie yes. but a terrible one, no. The colorful yet lame battle scenes move the story along a brisk pace. The film really suffers because there is no nudity or strong gore. One can get awfully tired of ritualistic, bloodless Indonesian battle scenes. I ask myself why they filmed nudity only to blur it out later. Also, why does every south Asian genre film have to include black magic. I’m sick and tired of it but I understand it must be part of their culture and what they find exciting so it’s kind of ok. I only wish things got more extreme!

2 / 5 STARS

Black Candles (1982)

The original title of this Spanish film is LOS RITOS SEXUALES DEL DIABLO, which translates to THE SEXUAL RITES OF THE DEVIL. That is a more fitting title for this sleazy satanic tale. It was directed by Jose Ramon Larraz who also directed the much better VAMPYRES (1974). There are men and women having sex and orgies because they love Satan and apparently the cardinal rule is FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES! This is a soft-core porn flick with no real horror elements. There are twelve sex scenes and barely a drop of blood is shed.

 Drew is married to Fiona and they are both devil worshippers - part of a larger group residing outside of London. His lover (not Fiona) comes over and they fuck cowgirl style (woman on top). Fiona knows that her man is planning on ditching the witch scene so she kills him by sticking a pin into a voodoo doll. He croaks right on his bed. After the opening credits roll we are introduced to Carol and her boyfriend Robert. Carol is going to visit the manor, around which the diabolical sect is rooted. She’s there to clear up legal issues regarding her brother’s death, Drew. Her sister-in-law Fiona, picks them up at the airport and drives them to the estate. On the car-ride Carol falls asleep in the back seat. When they get to the large home the power is down and Carol finds it strange that Fiona has a lot of black candles on hand. There are also plenty of demonic lithographs on the walls and Fiona explains that she is interested in demonology.

 Once the couple is shown to their room they immediately start to fuck, missionary style (guy on top). Since this film is riddled with sex, I figured I’d describe the sexual positions to you…humor me. Robert fingers Carol’s vagina and fondles her boobs. Unbeknownst to them, Fiona is watching through a peep hole while pleasuring herself. It looks like she had an orgasm too! After sex comes more sex! Carol has a dream in which she is fucking Drew, her brother! The fucking this time is rougher, missionary style again, and ol’ Drew pounds it into her good, holding her legs over his shoulders. Then Fiona pops into the scene and starts tongue kissing Carol while Drew eats his sister’s pussy out. When she wakes up Carol goes downstairs and sees a bearded man peeking in through the window. He vanishes in a second and then Fiona is there to calm her down and make her drink this awful black herb tea. We later find out it’s mandrake tea, and Fiona insists she drink that crap every time she gets a chance. I believe it’s somehow part of the witchery.

The next day, while Carol is out, an older dark haired woman (we’ll call her witch A) goes through her stuff and steals a necklace. We then follow her outside, to the barn, where she is masturbating a black billy goat. She is talking to a farm hand and tells him that tonight he’s going to see the goat mount a woman and cum inside her! Witch A then goes to her room to have sex with a much prettier blonde (we’ll call her witch B). There is enthusiastic pussy groping and breast fondling. What comes after sex? The answer is more sex! The fucking goat mounts witch B and they start fucking! The bearded man from before is there. He is a devil priest and he’s witnessing the event while uttering demonic prayers. Once the goat has blown his load the priest pricks the witch’s finger and collects a little blood in a chalice.

While Carol settles the legal business with the lawyer, Fiona seduces Robert and they have sex. He eats her out and then she mounts him, reverse cowgirl style (woman on top, with back towards her partner). When Carol returns she suspect’s her brother did not die of natural causes and that there is in fact a group of devil worshipers among them. She then goes to her room, lays down on her bed and has an out-of-body experience. During this, she witnesses ritual sex in an altar room. The devil priest reads some crap from his devil book and fucks Fiona on the altar, missionary style. He also eats her out. The naked cult members gathered around the scene become aroused and start making-out. During the session, Robert is present. He renounces God and embraces Satan, and is inducted into the coven. Naturally he fucks Fiona, and henceforth begins to hang out with the other cult members. When Carol wakes up she tries to find the ritual room in the house and tracks it to the cellar because she sees sulfur on the ground and horned animal skulls on the walls. The door is locked though. Later that night Robert forcefully fucks Carol doggy style (we all know this position). A few minutes later we find Fiona fucking Robert again!!! They do it reverse cowgirl style AND doggy style.

The next day Carol knows that Robert is a Satanist because he had never fucked her that hard before! Oh, and because she saw his initiation during her out-of-body experience. Listen up readers! This review has gotten way too long and I’m tired of describing sexual positions. There are THREE more sex scenes which I really don’t want to explore. I’m going to sum things up now because if not, this review could run another page. Some more witches fuck, a cult member is sodomized with a sword for wanting to leave the cult, and Carol is caught while trying to escape. She is put naked on the altar, fucked several times and initiated into the diabolical group. Oddly, she offers no resistance…go figure? Ok, so now everyone is a child of Satan. But you know what? The film starts over again. Remember when I mentioned Carol feel asleep in the back seat of the car on their way to the manor? The whole thing was a dream. Carol, Robert and Fiona, enter the dark house and light black candles and that’s the end of the movie! 

Too much sex that leads nowhere makes this movie fail. Maybe three or even four good hardcore fuck scenes would have sufficed. Instead we get TWELVE! We get it already! The hedonistic fucks love to fornicate. Since I’m a sucker for good boobs and bushy pussy groping I gave this movie two stars. There is also that unheard of bestiality scene! Instead of a dynamic horror movie plot we get successive sex scenes barely held together by the thin horror story thread. There is also nobody being killed! Drew’s murder at the beginning was just a fluke to pave the way for new characters to enter the film to have more sex. I saw this movie twice to see if I missed any subtle erotic undertones that would carefully evolve into a good erotic film. I found nothing like that. This is pure grindhouse sleaze which I know many of you might enjoy.

2 / 5 STARS

Gorgasm (1990)

When I first heard this film’s title I imagined a fatal blowjob, in which a geyser of semen shot through a women’s mouth and out the back of her head. Although not as graphic as my early imaginings, this is a fun little schlock flick with a delightfully wicked premise. GORGASM was written and directed by Hugh Gallagher; this is the first in what you may call his “Gore Trilogy”, with the subsequent films being GOROTICA and GORE WHORE.

 Chase is a frustrated cop who wants to be a detective and solve crimes but his unsympathetic boss assigns him nothing but a desk job, that is until a homicide breaks and the only other homicide detective in the precinct called in sick. Tara, played by real life porn star Gabriela, is a seductress who performs her own type of S&M (if you follow this blog you probably already know what S&M means), called Gorgasm. What it boils down to is simply a strip tease, where the recipient is in bondage, then killed in some grisly manner. That’s right, there is NO SEX involved. After a substantial fee, I mean this bitch asks for ALL your money since your not going to need it where you’re going, all you get to see are a nice pair of tits because she doesn’t even take off her damn panties. The latest satisfied customer got his throat slashed and Chase heads over to the crime scene to do some detective work. He comes across a flyer advertising Gorgasm: the ultimate climax and after some legwork, which involved browsing the local adult video store, he locates the publisher. After displaying the badge in his Velcro wallet he easily gets some information, but not Tara’s address. The way it works is you post an ad requesting Gorgasm and Tara contacts whomever she wants at her discretion.

 At about the same time the investigation is developing we’re introduced to a young couple with sex issues. Boyfriend wants to try S&M, girlfriend responds by kneeing him in the junk , saying “live it up lover boy!”. What girlfriend doesn’t know is that lover boy has posted an add requesting Gorgasm, that is until she walks in on the act. Tara has killed boyfriend with a weed-eater to the face. The girls get into a cat-fight and Tara kills girlfriend by strangling her with a power cord. Well, that’s the end of that story.

As we learn more about Tara, as a sex-fueled psychopath, the more frightening the character becomes. She was married to a man that could take so much pain (she reflects), but he ventured into dangerous territory and crossed the line through what must have been an exquisite Gorgasm(!), perhaps the conception of Tara’s deadly ritual. This woman lives somewhere in a cemetery where she keeps her husband’s mummified corpse, which looks like a mannequin in a plaid shirt. She relives the marital bliss, sadistic fornication, whatever you want to call it, by listening to an audio recording of her husband pleading for his life, while she whips the lifeless carcass with a rope. In a scene, where I will leave for you to discover for yourselves, the sultry tart dabbles in necrophilia!

Chase is pulled from the case when the other homicide detective is feeling better. What to do now? Well, Chase crashes on the couch, cracks open a beer, and continues further research by watching a hardcore S&M video. Believe it or not HE FALLS ASLEEP WATCHING PORN and has a nightmare with Tara. I know what your thinking. How does he even know what Tara looks like? Well, there’s a topless photograph of her (so much for anonymity) on that cheaply printed flyer, which I’m sure he’s examined thoroughly. Before you jump to conclusions, Chase is not as dumb as he looks. Tara will indeed be in his home soon enough, because he had placed an ad requesting Gorgasm! Earlier he received her phone call, in which the brief conversation went exactly like this: Tara, “Do you want the ultimate climax?”, Chase “Yeah, that’s what I want”.

When Tara shows up Chase points a gun at her and informs her he’s a lawman. Tara lustfully rubs her breasts, momentarily distracting the detective. She then kicks the gun out of his hand. Chase pulls out another revolver but the bitch has gotten a hold of a machete and she chops his fucking hand off. He faints and upon awakening realizes he is being restrained in the garage. A short moment later he is able to break free and grab Tara as she is trying to escape out under the partially closed garage door. Chase has got a good hold on her when she says, “What are you doing, you son of a bitch?”. He replies, “Take you to a level you’ve never known!”. He sticks his arm (with gun in hand) between her legs and shoots a bullet up her pussy. That’s GORGASM bitch!

There is somewhat of a surprise twist ending but I feel it takes something away from the spectacular ending mentioned above, so I won’t go into it. I saw this movie with Jose and it was a riot! Gabriela, who plays Tara, has phenomenal breasts: perky, plump and aesthetically pleasing. I found myself enjoying this movie, despite it’s many flaws. I really liked the concept and the way it was depicted was quite humorous, partly due to its budget. Gorgasm won’t blow your mind but it’s a must watch for schlock fans.

3 / 5 STARS